|psipook | spleen|
Bush permitted 9/ll
A medical study last year told us that people who write about their frustrations live longer. Writing is a way of relieving stress. In this case, the boffins are not wrong.
Casting an eye over Spleen tonight, I could be around for a bloody long time.
So come in and have a butcher's. Here's my elixir of youth: Spleen.
By the way, I would just like to say to Cameron, Ishihara, Hashimoto, Exxon, Shell, McDonalds and careless drivers, Hummer owners, and all your friends: fuck you all, you're ruining a beautiful planet.
From deep in the psicrypt ...
Pat Robertson in deal with devil
It has been revealed that US televangelist Pat Robertson is cursed by a secret deal with the Devil.
In return for unlimited power, riches and cable access, Robertson gave away his brain to Lucifer, thereby cursing himself to talk utter gibberish for the rest of his days, and cursing us to have to hear about it.
The revelations come from media personality Dr. Johan Faust.
Robertson's familiar, Rush Limbaugh, said that giving money to earthquake-struck Haitians was equivalent to saving their lives and that we should instead give all our money to him. Or Lucifer.
Mr Beelzebub is as old as time, but not as old as Mr Robertson.
Japan weather god wanted for crimes
The International Court of Human Rights in The Hague has issued a warrant for his arrest.
The Japanese government has been accused of hiding the fugitive god and of not cooperating with investigators, accusations the government denies.
The Shinto deity has been accused of atrocities affecting millions of people on an annual basis.
Crimes include, boiling people in their skins, and irradiating people with a sun positioned recklessly close to the ground. Another serious crime is that of suffocating people with excesses of atmospheric humidity, a practice likened to perpetual water boarding.
Other tortures routinely inflicted on people are sleep deprivation and stress positions (standing, sitting, lying).
Trauma and heavy drinking including barley tea addiction are common among victims as is air conditioner abuse.
The deity afflicts his own people but saves his worst excesses for ‘those long-nosed bastards,’ not Tengu, but pale-skinned westerners who have no natural or metaphysical defences against this abuse. Many westerners come from countries where there are no temperatures, and being non-Shinto are not able even to pray for relief.
The court of human rights is quietly pessimistic about apprehending the god. The Japanese government, although denying it publicly, is thought to be shielding the fugitive. Indeed, the Japanese government insists that the god fled the country before the warrant was issued and has refused to comment on reports that evidence of his inhumane acts is visible on a daily basis up and down the country as people continue to sweat, simmer, boil, melt and catch fire.
‘ It will be difficult to catch him,’ concedes a government minister speaking on condition of anonymity because this reporter has yet to invent a facetious name for him. ‘This weather god lives in and is protected by a community of eight million other Shinto gods. Many of these gods themselves have a dark past they don’t want examined and certainly don’t want to set a precedent of being held responsible for their proclivities.’
The task of tracking down this particular god will be further hampered by his invisibility and transdimensionality.
‘ Moreover,’ the official went on, ‘this god has powerful friends, such as ex-prime minister Tojo, the Imperial war machine, Yukio Mishima, and Governor Ishihara of Tokyo.’ He is also thought to have forged an international alliance with climate change deniers.
July 11, 2009
Corporate bastards in Japan have evidently been reading this author's fandoobly novel Weed and have shamelessly ripped it off.
No, we don't yet have zero-G office environments, but the management of at least one Japanese railway company have evidently been reading the smile training scenes in Weed and have put the concept into action in Japan for real.
July 7, 2009
donated to il Presidente
18 May, 2009
New president, new war?
Before even taking office Saint Obama was contemplating his first military action against another country. In this case, it is Sudan.
Read the story here.
The given reason for the possible incursion into Sudan is the terrible and undeniable plight of the people of Darfur, and military action is one of a number of actions being contemplated. The people of Darfur have been subject to violent persecution for a number of years.
However, I am reminded that way back in 2001, General Wesley Clarke let slip that the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq were just the first two steps in completely reshaping a number of mineral rich and strategically important countries to the convenience of the US. One of those countries was Sudan. Admittedly, the country had links with arch-enemy Bin Laden but it also has huge amounts of oil and Khartoum for decades has refused to admit US companies, preferring to do business with the US's strategic rivals, China and Russia. In 2004 Just before Bush's efforts in Sudan stalled, I wrote an article for The London News Review about hidden agendas in the region, which is archived here.
It might be that Obama is sincere about tackling the humanitarian mess in Sudan, but with a Clinton back in the White House it is worth reminding ourselves of who fired missiles at the country in 1998 — or could it be the case that someone is continuing Bush's work and that it's all change at the White House for more of the same?
Feb 1, 2009
Bush gives head to hecklers
George Bush's address at a July 4 event was interrupted by hecklers denouncing his occupation of foreign countries.
As the hecklers were dragged away one by one by security personnel, Bush told the audience that it was OK because the USA was all about free speech.
Eventually, a frustrated member of the audience vaulted the podium and ripped Bush's head off.
'Turns out,' lamented the protester, "It wsa all waxy. He was just a big dummy."
July 6, 2008
Weed reappears on Psipook
The extract of this novel, considered by the author to be the most important, funniest and only one he has ever written, was removed some months ago for a re-write.
The extract returns to this site refreshed, spruced and even weedier than it was before.
June 9, 2005
Local people and Greenpeace are organising opposition to the base. If you think that the dugong should be left in peace, you can add your name to the protest too. Follow this link.
BBC cat name scandal — hundreds of thousands
He fixed a viewer poll to name the TV show's cat. The name adopted was Socks, but that was not the name the viewers voted for, or so go the allegations. Faith in Corporation Auntie has plummeted further over its apparent inability to name a moggy without scandal.
Fair dos. Deceiving kids is not a conscionable act, although knowing British kids, you wonder whether the majority of votes might have gone to names like Bum, Willy or Hoodie.
Meanwhile, George Bush and Tory Blair deceived millions of people about the WMD in Iraq and the threat posed by that country. This deception led to invasion, war, a botched occupation, a near civil war and hundreds of thousands (perhaps more than a million) dead.
Neither was suspended from work. Neither was punished or prosecuted. When Blair moved on from his job he was given a new one — envoy for the UN, EU, US and Russia to the Middle East, a part of the world he helped to enflame by invading Iraq.
September 20, 2007
This week the EU caved into pressure
from British imperialists and excused
the UK from going properly metric.
I, on the other hand, demand my right not
to buy my bananas by the pound, and not to buy my pint by the pint.
September 15, 2007
Moggy, moggy, moggy! In, in, in!
It is heartwarming to see that the Prime Minister Gordon Brown has installed a cat at 10 Downing Street.
The prime minister's official residence has been without feline charms for ten years. The last cat Humphry was fired and replaced with a bird table by Tory Blair.
The new moggy Sybil arrived auspiciously on September 11.
So, a new cat has arrived at no. 10. But they are yet to evict the dogs of war.
September 12, 2007
The Lord God Almighty tells George Bush to 'fuck
The Good Lord added, 'you are a lying, dissembling little plonker, and I hope you get your johnson caught in the zipper of your trousers'.
According to the Bible, liars and killers go to hell and rich people are forbidden from passing through the eyes of needles.
Arashi: environmental terrorists
To promote their new album, whatever the hell it's called, they have employed a large lorry emlazoned with billboard-sized ads to drive around central Osaka, thus dumping yet more carbon into the atmosphere for no good purpose.
At the close of business each day, you can see this lorry parked out the back of OCAT. It looks imported, probably American and is all gleaming chrome and classic retro bodywork.
Arashi are not listed among the acts appearing at either the Tokyo or Kyoto Live Earth shows.
On the subject of Live Earth, some sceptics have dared to suggest that popsters flying around the world (British acts appearing in the US, US acts appearing in Britain, a 50 per cent foreign bill in Tokyo, and so on) to perform with lots of power hungry sound systems and lights might be sending a confusing message. One cause of consternation is the inclusion of The Police on the US bill — Sting contributes tonnes of CO2 to the atmosphere every time he opens his gob.
July 7, 2007
June 15, 2007
Psipook thwarts British security
And being pissed, I also promptly forgot that I had packed these things.
At Heathrow the next morning, I passed through two security checks. In the first I took my laptop from my bag, put it in a tray and emptied my pockets into another tray. The other side of the scanner, the security lady stopped me from reclaiming my laptop. She kept it in its tray beside the scanner while she fussed over some other bits and bobs from other people.
Meanwhile, I had been permitted to sling my
dangerous toothpaste-laden rucksack on my shoulder.
Finally satisfied that despite its shiny white casing it contained no toothpaste, she returned it to me. I took my shoes off and stood in line for another security check that confirmed an absence of toothpaste in my footwear and I continued with my journey.
It was at Hong Kong security that a slightly surprised securi-operative pulled my toothpaste — a new, bulgingly full tube — from my rucksack. I think I said something terribly sharp and political like, 'Ah, that's where it got to,' just in time for the toothpaste to be confiscated.
No Guantanamo and no instant waterboarding I was happy to note and then I went on to have sausages and toast for breakfast while waiting for my connecting flight.
I note also, that a couple of days prior to this I was boarding a flight in the Canaries bound for Madrid when, despite being immaculately sober, I failed to remove my laptop from my bag before security.
Again, in another one of those encounters
with officialdom that leaves you scratching your head, the Spanish staff
had been paranoid enough to turn me back before the scanner to remove
my belt, but then failed to notice an entire computer in my hand luggage.
June 9, 2007
PS I have just been reminded that for the last 15 years or so, I have been routinely carrying a knife through security and onto airplanes. The knife is admittedly small and insignificant, a mini Swiss Army blade attached to my key ring. It is nevertheless a banned object as far as airport security is concerned. Since 2001 I have probably made near on 20 international trips by plane and security has not once challenged me over it, even when troubling over my toothpaste at Hong Kong or my laptop and shoes at Heathrow. I wonder if they would notice if I carried my RPG with me.
May 1, 2007
I raise a glass to the Conseratives' defeat but not necessarily to Blair's victory.
May 1, 2007
Seal cull on ice
About 100 boats carrying fishermen conducting the cull of 270,000 seals off Newfoundland's coast have been trapped by ice.Some are running out of food and fuel and the bad conditions are set to continue.
The annual seal cull, the fishermen say, is necessary to preserve fish stocks ensuring a supply of McDonald's Filet-o-Fish and Kit-e-Kat (or was that KitKat?). The seal pelts are used to insulate frozen Norse totty and the oil from the seal blubber is used to, er ... power incubators in hospitals or something terribly crucial like that.
Well, the stranded sealers can always club each other to keep their spirits up.
April 19, 2007
Does Big Brother watch NHK?
This is the question that has set Japan's blogosphere buzzing since the Ishikawa earthquake on March 25.
In the clip an anchorman is quizzing a journalist in the earthquake zone via an audio link. When the anchorman asks whether the two nuclear reactors in the area have suffered any damage the link abruptly goes dead. Seconds later the link is apparently re-established, but the voice from Ishikawa is clearly a different person, who first assures us that the link was not broken and then brusquely assures the audience and anchorman that there was absolutely no damage to the reactors whatsoever, not even a little bit.
Nagaijin has rendered that part of the conversation like this:
There has apparently been no mention of this oddity in the mainstream media, nor have there been any reports of damage to the nuclear reactors which, again according to NHK, were not functioning at the time of the earthquake.
Japan's journalists are notoriously obedient and through the press clubs basically say what politicians want them to say. This is the first such odd incident during a broadcast that I have heard of.
Of course, the voice may have been that of an embarrassed technician trying to cover his mistake in letting the audio connection drop but this would also be unprecedented and in jobsworth Japan, pretty unlikely.
Do you have any interesting information on this story? Drop us an email here.
Many thanks to Nagaijin for telling me of the story.
April 1, 2007
Brazil is now
Some of these people convicted of crimes they did not commit can spend years or decades inside and if they are successful in getting their sentences overturned are required to pay some of the state's expenses for keeping them locked up ... though very often it was the state's mistakes (or malice) that put them there in the first place.
This is not an entirely new idea. In Terry Gilliam's film Brazil, felons and political prisoners are billed for their arrest and interrogation. There is a wonderful scene, shot from the hero Sam's perspective from the inside of a prisoner's hood in which going from one bureacratic office to another his invoices and payment options including state loans to be paid back with interest are explained to him.
Gilliam's film, which is the best film in the history of the universe (discuss) anticipated many other modern practices, such as the permanent war on terrorism.
I do believe Britain's current government have studied it carefully and are nicking ideas.
"Happiness — we're all in it together!"
March 22, 2007
A cure for cancer? Not if there's no profit in
However, none of the pharmaceutical companies are moving toward developing the drug for production. Why not? There is no patent on it and therefore no significant profit to be made from it. No dosh, no cure for cancer.
The story was reported in New Scientist issue no. 2587 (Jan 20, '07) and apparently inspired a number of cancer sufferers to approach their doctors to ask for DCA, only to be told that it simply was not available.
The fact that DCA has no patent is utterly baffling as just about any corporation can patent anything these days. How many times have we read of people in Africa or India being deprived of some herbal cure extracted from roadside weeds that they have been using for centuries because a lawyer in the US has just patented it?
A typo in the New Scientist article renders 'pharmaceutical companies' as 'harmaceutical companies'. Or perhaps it wasn't a typo.
I wonder how the champions of unfettered capitalism who say that market forces will inevitably cure all ills will rationalise this situation?
The same companies insisted on flogging their anti-AIDS drugs to impoverished African nations at unaffordable prices oblivious to the millions who were dying of the disease.
February 13, 2007
Drug crisis hits UK
The revelation rules out the entire population from leading a political party or becoming prime minister.
Constitutional experts are examing the possibility of installing a goldfish as prime minister as it seems to be the only creature in the country that has not smoked pot at one time another.
"The Js don't burn under water, dig?" said a Whitehall spokesperson. "Want a hit on this bong?"
February 11, 2007
GUS THE MYNAH BIRD
Stereolab, from the album Sound Dust
December 23, 2006
I log on, and I sit here for whole
minutes as the little wheels on my Macmail software spin and my rubbish
bin goes obese. Even though the spam filters are diverting most of
it straight into the trash, about 10 percent deposits into my inbox.
December 16, 2006
McDonald's: no cheese
My wife today bringing the kids home from baseball practice stopped at the Heguri, Nara, McD's to get them some dins.
I know, I hear you cry, how can you countenance such a thing? I don't. So there.
She ordered cheeseburger for my son, but on getting home found that it was sans cheese. It was cheeseless. Not a blob of orange, reconstituted fermented curd in sight.
In terms of corporate irresponsibility, it probably isn't up there with Minatomata or Bhopal or the hanging of Ken Saro Wiwa, or the appropriation of Iraq's infrastructure by Halliburton, KRB, Bechtel and co., but there it was: a cheeseburger with no cheese.
What next? A Big Mac with no big?
Heguri being a 20-minute drive from here, and my wife being exhausted, there was no point in returning the non-cheeseburger. So, tonight, this almost cold and somewhat breezy night, a 14 year-old boy goes to bed with no cheese.
Wallace of Gromit must be tossing in his bed.
Can it be that the poor beleaguered staff had cheese driven from their minds by the whip cracks of their supervisors? Or has McDonald's simply run out of cheese?
Or is it merely that the end of the world is nigh?
December 9, 2006
Once more unto the commode of I-can't-be-bothered.
Service will be resumed eventually, especially when the next folly of humanity sparks my righteous indignation and I am overcome with a need to fulminate incoherently.
See thee then.
December 8, 2006
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Un-Tall Tales: collected short fiction, flash fiction, poetry and references to sausages by Chris Page
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Suffer yet more little children ...