Trident: corporate America milks British cash from nationalist woodies
Careful with that Trident ICBM, Eugene!

Thanks be to US defence secretary Ash Carter for bigging up Britain on the international stage.

According to reports, Carter has said that the UK needs to keep its Trident nuclear missile system. In words that will rub the woodies of British conservatives everywhere, he explained, that Trident enabled Britain to "continue to play that outsized role on the global stage that it does because of its moral standing and its historical standing".

Yup, Britain is a big-boy country and has big-boy friends like America, and should keep its big-boy toys.

bollocks to Trident missiles and all that
Trident costs a bomb

"It's important that the military power matches that standing and so we're very supportive of it," he added, causing the martyrdom of uncountable pairs of patriotic underpants.

My first reaction on reading this was that if America wants us to keep Trident, America should fucking pay for it.

But the reality is that Britain is paying America for Trident. Of course Carter Ash wants Britain to feel big about keeping its nukes: corporate America has made a fortune out of Trident and with its renewal will make another fortune out of it.

Trident is going to cost the British taxpayer £31 billion pounds in the next procurement programme with another £10billion set aside for the inevitable cost overruns. (Some sources put the cost at £100billion.)

The US doesn't want the UK to keep Trident because Britain looks good in it on the world stage. The US wants us to keep Trident because it's a big, fat cash cow for Lockheed and the US military-industrial complex.

Let's be clear about this. That's the better part of £41 billion going directly from the pockets of hardworking British taxpayers into the pockets of stinking rich foreign corporations who deal in death and destruction.

Surely I don't need to point out that this massive displacement of public money into the trousers of makers of weapons of mass destruction is happening at a time of Conservative-imposed 'austerity', in which we are seeing the NHS underfunded and sold off by stealth to more corporations, in which the poor and the vulnerable are having their support taken away while being demonised, while rich privileged people whose family businesses don't pay tax are telling us we have to 'balance the books'. Please tell me I don't need to point all that out.

Trident missiles
New improved Trident missile system — artist's impression.

Stop and ask yourself, given your lifestyle, can you afford to be donating money to rich people? That's what is going on. (It's not just arms companies we're funding, it's private providers of what used to be public services like the DWP, prisons, health and schooling. But this is another posting of its own. Watch this space.)

And, hang on a minute: with Ash Carter's comments about Trident, could the greatest democracy on the planet be interfering with the democratic processes of its bestest friend?

Well, look at it like this: Carter has chosen to speak up for renewing Trident just ahead of a big debate and vote in parliament on the future of Trident.

Now, there's not a coincidence.

Could the fine, upstanding patriotic woodies Ash Carter is rubbing belong to the very people who are going to vote over the future of Trident? Fuck, yes!

Trident has nothing to do with security or stature.

Trident has everything to do with bloating the coffers of multi-national corporations.

Carter is massaging these small British dicks into compliance with his corporate sponsors.

Is Trident a matter of the UK's outsize standing in the world? No, it's more a matter of outstanding fraud.

February 20th, 2016 — Comment on this story


Hello, Mr Bezos
My own little exposé on why I am not living the large life on a yacht in Monaco.

Psipook - just buy my books you bastards
I'm trying this new, intuitive approach to marketing my books. What do you think?

read this | Chris Page
Chris page was interviewed by his very own sock puppet and managed to get through the whole conversation without once mentioning darning.

the new underpants | Chris Page

The Underpants Tree is the second volume of The Underpants of Fire trilogy, the first volume being King of the Undies World. The Underpants Tree was published in July 2015.

You can't keep a good pair of undies down! | Chris Page

The latest Twitter ad for — you guessed it — Underpants of Fire.

Now! Now! Now! | Chris Page

What? The Underpants Tree is out already? It seems like King of the Undies World, first volume of the Underpants of Fire trilogy only just came out. Is this man productive or does he just drink a lot of red wine?

pigs - two different kinds, and neither of them Pink Floyd

Just because it seems silly not to.

archive - image loading

Read Weed!
Weed: Chris Page's first novel

Weed paperback Europe

Weed paperback North America

Weed Kindle

For Japan orders of the paperback, click here to email me.

King of the Undies World

The Underpants Tree

Un-Tall Tales

Un-Tall Tales: collected short fiction, flash fiction, poetry and references to sausages by Chris Page

Un-Tall Tales paperback Europe

Un-Tall Tales paperback North America

Un-Tall Tales paperback on Amazon Japan

For Japan orders of the paperback, click here to email me.


Read or don't

It ain't just for smoking you know ...

Read Un-Tall Tales


• Twitter: @psipookian • Facebook: Chris Page • contact


Psipook is an online magazine and publisher's site mash up for the novels and short stories of Chris Page, humorous fiction, satire, arty-farty stuff, polemic, cats and anything we see fit to include.Chris Page is not to be confused with the other Chris Pages. While I have your attention, can I recommend not drinking Red Bull with or without vodka? The reason I mention that is I just had one, with vodka, in the hope that the combination of sugar, alcohol and caffeine would put me on fast forward workwise, and it has done nothing of the sort. I just feel icky. Everything now is contaminated by foul bubblegum. The red wine and salami I am treating myself with as I write this tastes of that vile liquid imbecility. Just say no. That's what I say.  


#humorousfiction #amwriting #amreading