Theresa May

 

a short story by Chris Page

 

British comedy at its finest

There's a new farce in town and it's hilarious.

 

Liberation overload

The story so far: as a result of an internal squabble, the government of Britain calls a vote to decide whether to leave the biggest, most affluent trading bloc in the world. This triggers the most divisive and rancorous campaign anyone can remember. Both sides try to outdo each other in telling outrageous lies. Nationalism and racism stain the air. A woman is murdered. In a painfully close vote the nation chooses to leave the trading bloc. The prime minister resigns but refuses to trigger the legal process that will actually take the UK out of the trading bloc, whose top dogs are now telling us to hurry up and piss off. The media reports that large numbers of people now regret their vote, didn't know it would actually be counted, thought they were protesting at something but didn't really know what, and even ask if they can change their mind. Google reports that the top five search terms in the UK in the day after the vote were all questions about what the EU actually was, suggesting that millions of people had voted without knowing what they were voting for. Three million people sign a petition demanding to have the exact same vote they just had.

Silly walks - Brexit - New Yorker

Nationwide, there is a spike in racist incidents. It turns out that the referendum wasn't legally binding anyway, and since the police are investigating the ruling party for electoral fraud in the general election, the legitimacy of the government and the referendum are in doubt. Politicians run around looking for a way to back peddle or just pretend the whole thing didn't even happen, while the leaders of the victorious leave campaign back peddle on their promises on funding the NHS and on immigration. The same clique claim they would negotiate a deal with the EU that would give the UK the same benefits and terms of membership without actually being members, and a flock of pigs were seen fluttering overhead. The opposition party gangs up on its leader and attempts an internal coup. Scotland insists on another vote for independence, pretty much guaranteeing the break up of the UK.

Oh, yes, high farce in the best British traditions of Ealing comedy and as surreal as Monty Python. I can't wait to see what happens next but, for sure, this one is set to run and run.

June 26, 2016

a short story by Chris Page

 

Brexit: that fairytale ending

Oh, what's that sound? Oh, it's you. Yes, it's safe, you can come out of your hobbit hole, little hobbit.

Yes, Littleshire has been made safe.

The Sun is shining righteously. All the brown people are gone. There's a pot of Elvish gold outside your door which fell by a fair-minded wind.

Best of all, all the Eurorcs have gone back to the smoky undemocratic wastes of Brussdor.

It is I, wizard Boris Faragedalf, and I confess I have made this land a utopia by magic. I waved my magic wand and made it so — fancy that! Fancy a fag and a pint?

Yes, come out … Oh, it's you, Fraido Muggins. Yes, little hobbit, fear has been banished from the land and so have your other enemies: reason and humanity.

Oh look, the folk of Littleshire are having a fete to fete their fine victory. There's morris dancing and dwarf tossing, and various wholesome activities to do with sheep and pigs and wellington boots.

That smell? That's the smell of roasted fatty-eurocrat, you know, the animal that's been eating all the food you've grown and traded to him for so many years — what a foul, greedy beast! And just desserts, don't you think? We've got it turning on a spit.

Oh, yes, like I say, you are snug in your hole in the Shire. Why, I can see rose vines growing on your nose, even as I speak.

a short story by Chris Page

 

June 24, 2016

Brexit - Fool Britannia

 

Psipook - just buy my books you bastards

 

read this | Chris Page
Chris page was interviewed by his very own sock puppet and managed to get through the whole conversation without once mentioning darning.


the new underpants | Chris Page

The Underpants Tree is the second volume of The Underpants of Fire trilogy, the first volume being King of the Undies World. The Underpants Tree was published in July 2015.

You can't keep a good pair of undies down! | Chris Page

 

a short story by Chris Page

 

pigs - two different kinds, and neither of them Pink Floyd

Just because it seems silly not to.


archive - image loading

 

Read Weed!
Weed: Chris Page's first novel

Weed paperback Europe

Weed paperback North America

Weed Kindle

For Japan orders of the paperback, click here to email me.

King of the Undies World

sex and drugs and rock and roll on the dole

The Underpants Tree

Un-Tall Tales

Un-Tall Tales: collected short fiction, flash fiction, poetry and references to sausages by Chris Page

Un-Tall Tales paperback Europe

Un-Tall Tales paperback North America

Un-Tall Tales paperback on Amazon Japan

For Japan orders of the paperback, click here to email me.

 


Read or don't

It ain't just for smoking you know ...

Read Un-Tall Tales

sex and drugs and rock and roll on the dole

 

• Twitter: @psipookian • Facebook: Chris Page • contact

 

 
Psipook is an online magazine and publisher's site mash up for the novels and short stories of Chris Page, humorous fiction, satire, arty-farty stuff, polemic, cats and anything we see fit to include.Chris Page is not to be confused with the other Chris Pages. While I have your attention, can I recommend not drinking Red Bull with or without vodka? The reason I mention that is I just had one, with vodka, in the hope that the combination of sugar, alcohol and caffeine would put me on fast forward workwise, and it has done nothing of the sort. I just feel icky. Everything now is contaminated by foul bubblegum. The red wine and salami I am treating myself with as I write this tastes of that vile liquid imbecility. Just say no. That's what I say.  

 

#humorousfiction #amwriting #amreading